Playing for Real: Paolo's Playhouse, Book 5 Read online

  Confusion clouded her mind. Heavy breathing filled the room again. Paolo’s voice sounded so eager. Aroused. But still a little jealous. Maybe she was being fucked by a stranger.

  It was called a mind-fuck.

  A scene that was designed to seem to be something it’s not. Something more dangerous. Something more edgy. Something more frightening.

  Paolo gripped Julianne’s hips tighter and fought to hold off his orgasm. Some submissives got off on the fear. On the out-of-control feeling of a scene like this. So far, Julianne had seemed to be turned on by scenes where she wasn’t entirely sure what was going on.

  Some dominants got off on them too.

  She dove into subspace so quickly tonight, responded to all the cues, bought into the fantasy with little hesitation. Her breathing had grown more ragged. Her hands were clenched into fists above her head. He wished he could see her face, but it was buried in the mattress between her outstretched arms.

  Her moans grew louder. It was time to give her the pleasure she’d been denying herself. All because he commanded it. There was nothing more precious than the trust she’d given him.

  “You may come whenever you are ready, Julianne,” he said while he could still speak. With one long, hard motion, he thrust his lubed fingers back into her anus.

  Julianne screamed and exploded. Her body bucked and her spasms from her climax squeezed his cock, triggering his own orgasm. He swallowed his own cries of completion so she would not know for certain who was using her body for his pleasure.

  When he could move, Paolo slid out of her and used a towel to clean up. He swallowed a couple times, then cleared his throat. “Very good, Julianne. I’m proud of you. You pleased our guest very well tonight and that pleases me. Lie there and rest while I walk him out.” As if she could do anything else while he still had her bound to the bed.

  Paolo left the room, closing the door behind him. He stood there, leaning back against the door, breathing harder than he should have been. Had he pushed her too hard tonight? Perhaps it had been too early to try a mind-fuck.

  She said she wasn’t intimidated by him. She didn’t say her safe word. He had to trust her as much as she trusted him. He had to believe what she said, how she reacted.

  Turning back, Paolo opened the door and took a moment to appreciate the sight before him. Then he hurried to wet a cloth and gently washed her, murmuring again how pleased he was. How beautiful she was. How brave. She didn’t lift her head, but then she was still blindfolded. She didn’t respond at all.

  He released her wrists and took off the blindfold. Julianne blinked as she looked up at him, but she didn’t move. He drew her into his lap. She curled into his arms, resting limply against him. He kissed her forehead.

  “Do you need a drink?” he asked softly.

  “No. Just hold me.”

  He stroked her back as he savored the feel of her in his arms, but he wanted to talk about what happened before they went any further. “Julianne…”

  “I don’t want to know,” she said quickly.

  “Are you certain?”

  She nodded, brushing her cheek against his with the movement. “But may I say something, sir?”

  “Of course.”

  “If you ever do want to watch another man fuck me. Again. Or sometime. I don’t want to be blindfolded.”

  He hoped his surprise didn’t show on his face. “And why is that, cara?”

  “Because for me, it’s not about him. It’s about you. I’d want to see you while you watch. It would be more intimate. More like it was you fucking me.”

  “Yes,” he whispered.

  “I know. Even if you invite someone else to fuck me, it would still be you using my body. I understand that. I accept that.”

  “You are incredible.” He kissed the top of her head and she rested heavily against him. “You are very tired, aren’t you?”

  “It was…intense.”

  “My apartment is very close. I would like to take you there tonight rather than bring you out again.”

  “We don’t have to go out to go to your place?”

  “No. I can bring you home as early as you need in the morning.”

  She met his gaze and then pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “All right.”

  He knew it was a big step for her. She’d made it clear she thought play dates should be kept separate from the rest of their lives. He hoped she would soon realize that what they did in the Playhouse was as real as anything else in her life.

  He helped her dress, then took her hand and led her down the hall and through the side door into the employee area. They passed the office where Julio, the new night manager, sat. Paolo nodded and kept going. He opened another door at the end of that hallway. “My apartment is right here.”

  She followed him into the apartment. Looked around her. He wondered what she saw when she looked at his living space. Did she look at it with an interior decorator’s eyes? Or with a submissive’s?

  “The Playhouse takes up over half of the third floor. My apartment and studio take up the rest of the space.”

  “Convenient.”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s huge.” She sank down onto the sofa and glanced around the living room. “Beautiful.”

  He sat beside her, took her hands. “Julianne. Look at me.” She slowly turned to look at him. He’d worn her out tonight. “I’m taking you to bed. You can look around in the morning.”

  Julianne nodded. Took a deep breath while fixing her gaze on him. “Thank you, sir.”

  “For?”

  “For tonight. I don’t know why it’s so exciting when I feel the most out of control.”

  “It’s what you need.”

  She breathed a soft sigh. “Will you sleep with me?”

  He placed his palm on her soft cheek. “Where else would I be?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Paolo swept her off her feet and carried her into his bedroom. Tomorrow would be soon enough to talk more.

  It shouldn’t have felt so wonderful to wake up with Paolo’s arms around her. Julianne lay there in his embrace and wondered where this relationship was going. If he was always a dominant and she was always a submissive, what kind of relationship would that be? She was more than a submissive. More than a body for him to play with.

  Julianne knew she’d never come as hard as she had last night. Lying here now, without the endorphins or whatever they were rushing through her system, she wished she’d let Paolo tell her if the session he’d arranged last night had been role playing or reality. She supposed it didn’t really matter. Either scenario aroused her. If she were being honest with herself, she’d admit that not knowing was what had aroused her the most.

  Paolo, the Dom, knew her well. But would the man understand her fears?

  How could he, when she didn’t even understand them herself?

  Julianne slid out from under Paolo’s warm arm. She padded into the bathroom and when she came back into the bedroom to find her dress and shoes, Paolo was awake, waiting for her.

  “Good morning,” he said with a warm smile. “How did you sleep?”

  “Very well.” She cleared her throat. This almost felt too normal. “I need to get home. Work.”

  He threw back the covers. “I will fix you some breakfast and then drive you home.”

  “I don’t usually eat breakfast.”

  He stared her down. “I will fix you breakfast and then drive you home.”

  She sighed. She’d need to pick her battles. “Okay.”

  Paolo rose gracefully from the bed and was beside her in a moment. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. “I am pleased you look more rested.”

  “I feel better this morning. Last night wiped me out, I guess.”

  He cupped her face, held her gaze. “Was it too much for you?”

  He looked serious. Worried. “No.” She brushed her lips over his. “No. It was just intense, that’s all.”

  The last two sessions
had been powerful. She wasn’t sure if she would want to continue to experience sessions so dark and heavy. She shouldn’t want to.

  But she did. She probably always would.

  Julianne backed out of Paolo’s grasp. “You got some coffee around here?”

  “I am certain we can find some,” he said, and headed for the bathroom. “I will only be a few minutes.”

  While he was getting ready, Julianne looked around Paolo’s apartment. She’d been too tired the night before. That dive into sub space took a lot out of her. The place he called home was spacious, with a lot of deep colors, similar to the color scheme in the Playhouse. The artist in him had made a welcoming space, comfortable and beautiful at the same time.

  She found a one-cup coffeemaker on the kitchen counter and was enjoying her first sip of dark roast when Paolo joined her. He’d taken a shower, his dark, wavy hair still damp. He’d pulled on a pair of jeans and a white button-down shirt that was yet unbuttoned. She swallowed before she did something stupid like drool at his bare feet.

  He didn’t say a word, but the heat of his gaze as it swept over her body burned her skin and made her sex clench. When their eyes met, her heart seemed to swell, seemed to fill with an emotion she didn’t know if she could name. Didn’t know if she could trust.

  She turned away from him and set the mug down on the counter. “I have to go.”

  “You need to eat something.”

  “I can’t.” Her stomach was full of nerves scrambling and churning. What was happening to her? “I can grab a cab if you can’t leave now.”

  “I said I would take you home.” He was in front of her in an instant. She backed up until she was pressed up against the counter. “What is wrong, cara?”

  She couldn’t even explain her thoughts and feelings to herself right now. Just because she’d finally accepted her submissive side didn’t necessarily mean she knew what was up with all the emotions bombarding her. If anything, it made her even more confused.

  What was she feeling? The overwhelming joy of having her fantasies fulfilled? The powerful need of a submissive for a Dom? Could it possibly be love for the man she’d begun to know?

  How could she ever be sure?

  “Please take me home.”

  He frowned, but stepped back and let her breathe. “Of course.” In a matter of minutes they were back in his Jeep and on the way to her apartment. “Are you going to tell me what is wrong?” he asked softly. He phrased it as a question, but the command was there just the same.

  She sighed. “When I figure it out, I’ll let you know. Right now…” She cleared her throat. “Right now I need to think about some things.”

  “Things? Me? Our sessions? Dating?” The words had a bite to them. “I need to know what you are thinking.”

  “I know.” But she couldn’t say anything more. She didn’t know what she was thinking. This was all happening so fast. She needed some time alone. Maybe by Saturday night she’d have things figured out. “Are we still going out Saturday night?”

  His hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Of course.” He glanced at her. “Unless these things you are thinking about mean you do not want to meet my friend, Ben, and his girlfriend.”

  He wanted to introduce her to friends? “No, of course not. I’d love to meet them. How should I dress?”

  “Is that always a woman’s first question?” he asked, but his tone was lighter than it had been a moment before. “Casual is fine. Ben owns a bar downtown. Scandals. Have you been there?”

  “No, but I’ve seen it. Are we going there?”

  “Yes. We’ll meet them there for a drink first, then head out to a barbeque place he told me about.”

  Paolo pulled the Jeep up to the curb in front of Julianne’s building. He was quiet on the walk up the stairs, but after she’d unlocked her front door, he threaded his fingers through her hair and kissed her thoroughly. When he pulled back, he was frowning. “I do not like not knowing what you are thinking. Especially when I know there is something wrong.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.” She didn’t like worrying him. “It’s not that I think anything we’ve done is wrong. That’s not it. I just need some time. Some space to think.”

  “Sometimes I fear you think too much.”

  “I know.” She stroked his chest for a moment before she pushed him gently away. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

  Chapter Six

  After he left Julianne, Paolo didn’t want to go back to his empty apartment. The paperwork waiting on his desk didn’t appeal to him either. Even the work in his studio didn’t call to him. He pulled out his cell and called Richard. “Is it too early to talk?”

  “Of course not. Come over. Ingrid is making breakfast.”

  It didn’t take long to get to his friend’s home. Richard met him at the door. His mentor had aged well, his silver hair still thick, the lines on his face only making him look more distinguished.

  “Come in.” Richard gave Paolo a quick hug, then closed the door behind him. “It’s good to see you. Ingrid has been complaining it’s been too long since you’ve been by for a visit.”

  “Sorry it is so early.” Richard waved away his apology. “Something smells delicious.” He followed Richard into the kitchen.

  Ingrid stood at the stove. She wore a thick black collar around her neck and a long black apron. And nothing else. She smiled when they walked into the room. “Ham and cheese omelet?”

  “Sounds great.”

  “Still take your coffee black?”

  “Yes.” Paolo sat with Richard at the table in the breakfast nook. He thanked Ingrid when she brought him the coffee. Richard patted her bare bottom when she turned away to go back to the stove. She grinned at him over her shoulder and put a little more sway in her hips as she walked away from them.

  This. This was what Paolo wanted. A woman to share his life with. A submissive wife. He’d thought he would have that with Holly, but though he was certain she’d tried in the beginning, she wasn’t cut out for the lifestyle, no matter what she said now. Was Julianne? He’d begun to think so, but after this morning he wasn’t so sure.

  He and Richard shared small talk over coffee. Ingrid served them each a plate. The section of omelet on Richard’s plate was nearly twice the size of Paolo’s, but he knew the reason for that. As soon as she made sure they each had what they needed, Ingrid took off her apron, hung it on a hook beside the stove, and then knelt on the floor beside Richard’s chair.

  Richard tasted the eggs. “Delicious, my pet.” He cut a small piece, blew on it to cool the hot cheese, then fed it to Ingrid. Paolo concentrated on his omelet while the couple shared their breakfast. It was almost too intimate for Paolo to witness. An envious ache settled beneath his breastbone.

  When they were done eating, Richard placed a soft kiss to the top of Ingrid’s head, then helped her to her feet. She silently cleared their plates and refilled their coffee cups.

  “I’ll leave you two to talk,” she said, then looked at Richard. “I’d like to order some more samples this morning.”

  He nodded and smiled indulgently. “Have fun shopping. Let me see what you decide on before you place the order.”

  “Yes, sir.” She flashed a smile at Paolo. “Good to see you again.”

  After Ingrid left the room, Richard turned to Paolo. “I’ve heard that after you turned Holly down, she’s decided to move away to be closer to her parents.”

  “That is a relief. I was afraid she might cause more trouble.”

  “The way I heard it, she found out how well you were doing and wanted to get in on some of that money she was certain you were throwing around.”

  “Perhaps that was part of it. I fear she still does not know what she wants.” He took a sip of coffee. “I am glad she is going to look for it somewhere else.”

  “How is it going with your Julianne?”

  “Slowly.” Paolo paused. “No. Not really. I get impatient. A Dom should have more patience.”


  “When we want something badly, patience can be difficult.”

  He knew Richard would understand. “Exactly.”

  “But I’m afraid you might be a little too eager.”

  He frowned. “I know it has only been a couple weeks, but our time together has been intense.”

  “Some things shouldn’t be rushed. Especially important things.”

  “But when I know what I want, it is hard not to want to reach out and grab it.”

  “I realize you may think you know what you want, but it may not be so simple. You know there are as many different relationships as there are couples, D/s or not.”

  Paolo stared for a moment into his coffee cup, then looked up at Richard. “Is it so wrong to want what you and Ingrid have?”

  “It’s wrong if it’s not what works for you and the woman you love.”

  “Then I have to believe I will not fall in love with a woman who does not want the same things I want.”

  “That didn’t work before, did it?” Richard asked softly. “If Julianne is important to you, you might have to make compromises.”

  “Not about this.” Still, Paolo already couldn’t imagine his life now without Julianne. They hadn’t even talked about the future yet. If what she wanted would be even close to what he did. Would he be willing to make compromises to keep her?

  Paolo stood. He’d thought coming here would give him the answers he needed. Firm up his convictions. But if anything, he was more confused than before. “I need to get back and get to work. Thank you for breakfast.”

  Richard walked him to the door, then grasped Paolo’s shoulder before he could reach for the door knob.

  “Do you love her? Your Julianne?”

  “I think I could fall in love with her.” He probably already had.

  His mentor tipped his head. “Only you can know what matters most. The woman. Or the ideal you have in your head.”

  Paolo shook Richard’s hand and headed home, to the paperwork on his desk, to the tangle of sheets on his bed, and with no more answers than he had when he left.

  Julianne spent Saturday in her office, losing herself in her work as she had the past couple days, hoping her subconscious would do her thinking for her. Stacey had left a couple messages in the past few days, but Julianne wasn’t in the mood to deal with her. Maybe later, when things were settled one way or another between her and Paolo, she could talk again with the woman who had been her best friend. Right now she felt as if she would have to pretend, to lie to Stacey about her life, and she never wanted to do that.